Character developing efforts (Age 7-14 years - 1)

The most vital Period for Nurturing Balanced Personality.

We are trying to understand the formula for learning – nurturing, for balanced personality development in various stages of life. We have learnt that from birth till seven years of age; is the stage of emotional development. The next stage is between seven to fourteen years of age. We can call it as the ideal stage of installing a base for disciplined mind-setup in the child’s personality.

We must understand and appreciate that while entering from one stage to another stage, some period of say two years is of transformation. So whereas during first five years the strong emotional support would be useful, during 6-7th years of age, a child may need logical support with his or her emotional development. This logical thinking further develops afterwards. Later during 10–11 years stage of age understanding gets better. Child tries to understand what is good and bad? How to avoid bad? How to do what is good!  During this period parents must skillfully create an awareness in the mind of child that nothing is completely good or completely bad in this world, one must choose what is good and try to achieve it. The child must develop the attitude to say “Yes, I can make this possible with efforts”. This sense in the initial stage, say by 10-11 years shall help to develop logical efforts based behavior during period of 12–14 years of age. This in turn prepares child to enter next stage of youth.

Brain Development

 

Generally after seven years of age, function of Cortex, which is “thinking brain” takes shape. An ability of rational thinking with logic and intelligence gets developed. This period is important for the physical development as well. Ambitions of life are determined in youth, but its foundation starts taking shape during this period. At this stage, child must get guidance regarding:

Proper diet,

Exercise,

What to do, what to avoid,

How to identify feelings, how to deal with them,

How to identify feelings of others, how to react to them,

How to deal with situation properly,

Concentration and persistence for success through study,

How to be successful within the norms of prescribed rules and discipline, etc.

Role of both parents & teachers is important who can provide this guidance. Children learn in their own style but more by observation and imitating others. Therefore responsible and ideal behavior of teachers and parents is more effective and useful than verbal instructions.

Middle Childhood (6-8 years of age)

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle.html

Developmental Milestones

Middle childhood brings many changes in a child’s life. By this time, children can dress themselves, catch a ball more easily using only their hands, and tie their shoes. Having independence from family becomes more important now. Events such as starting school bring children this age into regular contact with the larger world. Friendships become more and more important. Physical, social, and mental skills develop quickly at this time. This is a critical time for children to develop confidence in all areas of life, such as through friends, schoolwork, and sports.

Here is some information on how children develop during middle childhood:

Emotional/Social Changes

Children in this age group might:

Show more independence from parents and family.

Start to think about the future.

Understand more about his or her place in the world.

Pay more attention to friendships and teamwork.

Want to be liked and accepted by friends.

Thinking and Learning

Show rapid development of mental skills.

Learn better ways to describe experiences and talk about thoughts and feelings.

Have less focus on one’s self and more concern for others.

Positive Parenting Tips

Following are some things you, as a parent, can do to help your child during this time:

Show affection for your child. Recognize her accomplishments.

Help your child develop a sense of responsibility—ask him to help with household tasks, such as setting the table.

Talk with your child about school, friends, and things she looks forward to in the future.

Talk with your child about respecting others. Encourage him to help people in need.

Help your child set her own achievable goals—she’ll learn to take pride in herself and rely less on approval or reward from others.

Help your child learn patience by letting others go first or by finishing a task before going out to play. Encourage him to think about possible consequences before acting.

Make clear rules and stick to them, such as how long your child can watch TV or when she has to go to bed. Be clear about what behavior is okay and what is not okay.

Do fun things together as a family, such as playing games, reading, and going to events in your community.

Get involved with your child’s school. Meet the teachers and staff and get to understand their learning goals and how you and the school can work together to help your child do well.

Continue reading to your child. As your child learns to read, take turns reading to each other.

Use discipline to guide and protect your child, rather than punishment to make him feel bad about himself. Follow up any discussion about what not to do with a discussion of what to do instead.

Praise your child for good behavior. It’s best to focus praise more on what your child does (“you worked hard to figure this out”) than on traits she can’t change (“you are smart”).

Support your child in taking on new challenges. Encourage her to solve problems, such as a disagreement with another child, on her own.

Encourage your child to join school and community groups, such as a team sports, or to take advantage of volunteer opportunities.

More physical ability and more independence can put children at risk for injuries from falls and other accidents.

Protect your child properly in the car.

Teach your child to watch out for traffic and how to be safe when walking to school, riding a bike, and playing outside.

Make sure your child understands water safety, and always supervise her when she’s swimming or playing near water.

Supervise your child when he’s engaged in risky activities, such as climbing.

Talk with your child about how to ask for help when she needs it.

Keep potentially harmful household products, tools, equipment, out of your child’s reach.

Healthy Bodies

Parents can help make schools healthier. Work with your child’s school to limit access to foods and drinks with added sugar, solid fat, and salt that can be purchased outside the school lunch program.

Make sure your child has 1 hour or more of physical activity each day.

Limit screen time for your child to no more than 1 to 2 hours per day of quality programming, at home, school, or afterschool care.

Practice healthy eating habits and physical activity early. Encourage active play, and be a role model by eating healthy at family mealtimes and having an active lifestyle.

Middle Childhood (9-11 years of age)

https://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/childdevelopment/positiveparenting/middle2.html

Developmental Milestones

Your child’s growing independence from the family and interest in friends might be obvious by now. Healthy friendships are very important to your child’s development, but peer pressure can become strong during this time. Children who feel good about themselves are more able to resist negative peer pressure and make better choices for themselves. This is an important time for children to gain a sense of responsibility along with their growing independence. Also, physical changes of puberty might be showing by now, especially for girls. Another big change children need to prepare for during this time is starting Developmenta milestones..

Here is some information on how children develop during middle childhood:

Emotional/Social Changes

Children in this age group might:

Start to form stronger, more complex friendships and peer relationships. It becomes more emotionally important to have friends, especially of the same sex. 

Experience more peer pressure.

Become more aware of his or her body as puberty approaches. 

Body image and eating problems sometimes start around this age.

Thinking and Learning.

Children in this age group might:

Face more academic challenges at school.

Become more independent from the family.

Begin to see the point of view of others more clearly.

Have an increased attention span.

Positive Parenting Tips

Following are some things you, as a parent, can do to help your child during this time:

Spend time with your child. Talk with her about her friends, her accomplishments and what challenges she will face.

Be involved with your child’s school. Go to school events; meet your child’s teachers.

Encourage your child to join school and community groups, such as a sports team, or to be a volunteer for a charity.

Help your child develop his own sense of right and wrong. Talk with him about risky things friends might pressure him to do, like smoking or dangerous physical dares.

Help your child develop a sense of responsibility—involve your child in household tasks like cleaning and cooking. Talk with your child about saving and spending money wisely.

Meet the families of your child’s friends.

Talk with your child about respecting others. Encourage her to help people in need. Talk with her about what to do when others are not kind or are disrespectful.

Help your child set his own goals. Encourage him to think about skills and abilities he would like to have and about how to develop them.

Make clear rules and stick to them. Talk with your child about what you expect from her (behavior) when no adults are present. If you provide reasons for rules, it will help her to know what to do in most situations.

Use discipline to guide and protect your child, instead of punishment to make him feel badly about himself.

When using praise, help your child think about her own accomplishments. Saying “you must be proud of yourself” rather than simply “I’m proud of you” can encourage your child to make good choices when nobody is around to praise her.

Talk with your child about the normal physical and emotional changes of puberty.

Encourage your child to read every day. Talk with him about his homework.

Be affectionate and honest with your child, and do things together as a family.

More independence and less adult supervision can put children at risk for injuries from falls and other accidents. 

Here are a few tips to help protect your child:

Protect your child in the car.

Know where your child is and whether a responsible adult is present. Make plans with your child for when he will call you, where you can find him, and what time you expect him home.

Make sure your child wears a helmet when riding a bike or a skateboard or using inline skates; riding on a motorcycle or playing contact sports.

Many children get home from school before their parents get home from work. It is important to have clear rules and plans for your child when she is home alone.

Healthy Bodies

Provide plenty of fruits and vegetables; limit foods high in solid fats, added sugars, or salt, and prepare healthier foods for family meals.

Keep television sets out of your child’s bedroom. Limit screen time, including computers and video games, to no more than 1 to 2 hours.

Encourage your child to participate in an hour a day of physical activities that are age appropriate and enjoyable and that offer variety! Just make sure that your child is doing three types of activity: aerobic activity like running, muscle strengthening like climbing, and bone strengthening – like jumping rope – at least three days per week.

Developmental Overview: Ages 10-14

https://www.parentfurther.com/content/ages-10-14-developmental-overview

What to Expect

Young teens are going through such dramatic changes, it’s normal for them to swing from being happy to being sad or from feeling smart to feeling dumb. They may worry about personal traits that are vital to them, but hardly noticeable to others. With a growing ability to see the consequences of different actions.

Young teens are increasingly considering who they are and who they may become. They are more able to think like adults, but they don’t have the experience and judgment needed to act like adults. It’s important to help them recognize that.

What really matters: 

Your reassurance and acceptance are especially important at this time, as is your teen’s growth in school and community activities. Strong support will help them develop the confidence they need to make healthy choices. Intellectual Development.

Most kids enjoy the social aspects of learning. This works well when teachers encourage learning in small groups.

Around ages 11, 12, and 13, shifts occur in kids’ thinking. Keep them engaged in school and learning. Encourage their curiosity.

Many are strongly influenced by friends, so if they have friends who only want to socialize and not learn, emphasize the importance of having friends and working hard to learn.

Many kids move from concrete to abstract thinking. Concrete thinkers focus on the here and now, such as a particular house cat. Abstract thinkers focus on issues that are not associated with a specific instance. Thus, an abstract thinker can talk about domestic and wild cats, how they’re similar and different, and which ones they believe have more skills than others.

Because kids this age have strong emotions, they tend to either “love” school or “hate” it. If your child happens to “hate” school, help her identify parts that are more enjoyable—even if it’s recess, gym, and lunch.

Most kids at this age think there is too much homework. Emphasize how homework helps kids learn. Do homework with them. Make it fun. Applaud their learning and new knowledge.

Emotional Development

Moodiness and roller-coaster emotions emerge during puberty. Kids can be happy one moment and then violently angry or very depressed the next—and you often won’t be able to figure out why. Be patient and gentle with kids, as they experience strong emotions that can quickly change.

Many talk in violent terms. “I’ll kill him.” “I want to beat her up.” “He’s so bad, he should die.” Some deal with anger and injustice verbally. Others slam doors or stomp their feet. If they act out in destructive ways, get them help with expressing strong emotion.

Emotionally, young teenagers bristle at any physical affection from their parents. Some like a lot of physical affection from their friends while others like to keep their distance.

Many kids can become very emotionally sensitive. They’re easily offended and easily hurt.

Some kids will give you the silent treatment when they become angry—or if they don’t get their way. Give them time to simmer down. They’ll talk to you again (usually when they need something from you).

Some kids begin dabbling in more serious risk behaviors (such as self-harm, smoking cigarettes, drinking alcohol, or having sex). Help kids steer clear of these behaviors. Talk with them about what they’re experiencing—and what they’re seeing going on with their peers. Some are struggling with difficult issues.

Social Development

This is the age when peer pressure has the most influence. Kids are more interested in “being the same” and “being accepted.” Thus, many will do things with others they would never do alone. Relationships can become quite complex. Some kids will not speak to others. Some relationships become very intense. Some kids have large shifts in their social circles as they go through puberty. Others withdraw and avoid their peers. Some stick with their friends no matter what. Many kids would rather be social than tend to their school work or other responsibilities. Emphasize how all parts of life are important.

Silliness can rule with some kids. Kids at this age can have a twisted sense of humor. Many kids want to spend most of their time with friends. Some homes become tense with young teenagers who like to argue and test. Other homes are calmer with occasional skirmishes. It all depends on the child’s personality.

Cliques and tight-knit groups can form. Kids become very aware of who is in which group—even if they’re not always sure where they fit.

Physical Development

This is the age when kids need to start using deodorant and learning more personal hygiene. Some go overboard and spend hours in the bathroom. Others resist, refusing to bathe. Puberty reigns at this age. Puberty, however, has several stages for both boys and girls, which is why you’ll see kids developing at different rates between the ages of 8 and 18.

With growth spurts come clumsiness and a lack of coordination. It isn’t easy for a person to grow six inches within a few months without his sense of balance being disrupted. Typically, between ages 12 and 14, kids become very aware of their own sexuality and others’ sexuality. Some are nervous about developing too fast. Others are worried about developing too slowly.

If your child is not athletic, help her find a sport or physical activity she enjoys. At this age, kids who don’t excel athletically are tempted to avoid all physical activity. Consider martial arts such as kung fu, judo, karate, which often appeal to this age group.

Mind set / Outlook for this age-group.

Sense of reality:

After seven years of age child learns to understand opinion and importance of other people. Child observes various objects. He now understands rules. Child compares his parents, neighbors and forms his own opinion. He understands that by elders; rules are often considered flexible and are interpreted as per the necessity. He can now take small decisions of his own. After 12 years of age, power to make logical guess increases and children take decision after thinking by their own way.

Friendship and study (age 5 to 12 years)

Child tends to increase his efforts on study and also develop suitable friends. Also spends some time to prove his name and create his stamp in the peer group.

Interest in opposite sex (age 12 to 16 and onwards)

Attraction of opposite sex

Thinks and decides about means of livelihood in future, job, business, etc.

Forms social attitude and opinion

Craze for Good appearance and attractive look.

Emotions take verbal form: 

During childhood, child understands that he has his own set of feelings for the world around. He tries to identify these feelings and put them in words. Mind has various kinds of emotions Such as anger, sorrow, disgust, surprise, fear, acceptance, happiness, expectations, etc. It is important to identify them exactly. Identifying our own and other people’s feelings can make emotional intelligence and balance possible. This leads to self-confidence and progress. During 8 to 10 years of age, child tries to create faith and confidence in him, in others, in the situation and in the world he lives. Education of emotions is important at this stage.

Life values: 

During age 11 to 14, it is important to introduce child with values and emphasize their importance in his mind. Each individual is an independent personality but he is also a part of community (Family, Society). A broadminded attitude that is necessary to become successful as individual as well as a member of community requires particular kind of character building. Period of 8 to 14 years of age is the best time for such efforts. Sanskars (nurturing) that intentionally inculcate compassion, sympathy, service, gratitude and a little tolerance and forgiveness can develop correct mindset. Responsibility of teachers and parents play a major role in this regard.

Worries, Fears.

Importance of efforts: 

Fear, doubt and superstitions limit the development in children. They hinder child’s effort to bring his dreams into reality. This stage is important for learning and teaching the skill of controlling these emotions while dealing with such situations. Guidance on this stage is important to imprint importance of setting high goals to be successful in the world of increasing competition. Also children should be taught importance of concentrating on honest efforts and persistence rather than to concentrate only on results and achievement of these efforts. (कर्मण्ये वाधिकारस्ते मा फलेषु कदाचन = भगवत गीता)

These years are important for children to develop social & emotional awareness to bring their dreams into reality and strengthen the foundation of their character.

How to Help Your Child Develop Empathy

Want a child who really, truly cares about others? Follow this advice on raising compassionate children.

Empathy -- the ability to understand and be sensitive to other people's feelings -- helps us to be more deeply attached to our family, friends, and even strangers.

You can make a more conscious effort to promote empathy-boosting experiences for your children. Consider these 11 things you can do to raise a truly caring child.

Show Empathy to Others.

Write Genuine Thank-You Notes.

Be Consistent

Boost Her "Feelings Vocabulary".

Praise Each Other Daily

Recognize Kindness.

But Don't Overdo It

Address Your Child's Needs.

Promote Emotional Literacy.

Volunteer

Celebrate Difference.

For details:  https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/5-how-to-help-your-child-develop-empathy.

Understanding concept of mind, nature and tendency and directing the efforts by the elders for nurturing child properly are crucial at this stage.  This is useful to create positive change in life at proper time. If a person can maintain a balance between success and failure, adverse and favorable conditions and develop tendency to think about welfare of community along with own welfare, then the future life journey would proceed on a balanced track. A child with a mind set-up of maintaining balance with the help of ‘ups and downs’ of daily life and looking at everything as opportunity; will make himself and others happy.

Sanskar efforts (nurturing efforts) on these lines will help setup strong foundation of life. But we should also keep in mind that presence and ill effects of adverse and bad things prevailing in the society or surroundings in the vicinity might threaten to ruin the life in future. Parents, teachers, society, media (TV, Internet etc.), who have direct/indirect role in these efforts should be well aware of various desirable and undesirable things those affect our children. The policy makers have to take due cognition of this fact to create conducive environment for the up-coming generations. 

In the next article let’s discuss how to take care in this regard.

Vijay R. Joshi.

Save your Child from Yourself - Swami Vijnananand.

(Extracts from book)

S.V. authored a book around year 1960 titled “Save your Child from Yourself”. In this book he has critically analyzed the role of homes (parents) and schools (teachers) in nurturing the child to develop an adult of proper character. We will see the extracts from this book highlighting his views in this regard.

In 2017, now also, we see that the analysis he has put forward before over 50 years; is still worth of consideration.

1. THE MYTH OF OUR AFFECTION

As parents (also teachers), our role anent child­ education stands out as an outstanding illustration of our capacity to delude ourselves

.

Thinking in terms of intelligent influence, children rarely exercise it on the elders and hence the question is unquestionably reduced to, whether our obligations towards the youngsters are duly discharged. An assertion unhesitatingly survivable is, far from proving worthy of their task, instead of educating the children properly, the parents head the battalion that spoil the child. Amongst neighbors, friends, relatives, doctors, servants, nurses, teachers and the mass amidst which the child is developed, the parent can be easily accused of stealing the march in the undeclared but continuous war against the child.

I beg no pardon of parents who relentlessly toil to caress their dear one. For, the blandishment and endearment the parents evince to their children; is merely a reflection of their own personality.  A kind mother is so, because she cannot but be kind. Without embellishment, the mute point to be taken into account is whether the kindness conducts her to any rational action or simply to an emotional impulse. Not infrequently, "kindness" is a misnomer to the mother's emotional outburst. Howsoever harsh and obdurate the statement sounds, the irrefutable truth is, if at all one chooses to believe that an external entity can influence a subject to that extent, parents lead the attack on the child. No matter what kind of weapon the parents employ anger, harshness, kindness, love or affection in their parenting activities for the child.

2.  Single sanguine hope - Determination to face the facts-acceptance of the unvarnished truths that corrects ourselves-is our single sanguine hope. It is never too late to mend.

3.  The wishful thinking of the parents is of no material consequence. Their progeny is neither a mechanical duplication of themselves nor a model that they like to produce. What is produced is the new-born unfathomable individuality. No father or mother ever has any control over the child before the birth with respect to anything whatsoever. Nature manifests a variety at each child-birth, using a pair of father and mother as medium.

4. Academic education - The parents who can afford to send their children to school should certainly send them for coaching. But it should not be lost sight of that a grudging and unwilling child is a nuisance to the school.

Citing several examples, author says famous authors, philosophers, heads of religions, scientists, artists, Play-writers had no rich academic background.

(Buddha, Shri Krishna, Christ, Mohammed, Zoroaster, Confucius, Nanak, Mahavir, Moses and Marx. Socrates. Bacon, Tolstoy, Omar Khayyam, O'Henry. Galileo, Copernicus, Kepler, Pasteur, Lister, Newton. Mozart are some such persons)

5. The purpose of life of the New Born - It is of paramount importance to bear in mind that the new-born springs up into existence on his own and has a pur­pose to serve. It is far more desirable to visualize that latent animus (a feeling of hate or anger towards someone or something) vicariously (experienced as a result of watching, listening to, or reading about the activities of…) assists him in understanding that purpose.

6.  Lessons of life -The ingenious (“cleverly inventive,”) baby remains concealed under the bodily protection and nourishment of the mother for nine months. Certainly, the child breaks cover, pushes himself out, only when he ascertains for himself that the zero hour has approached. He makes himself sure that he deserves independent existence and is capable of it. Child commences taking lessons of life at the very moment of existence, on his emergence as a distinctly separable individuality.

7. Purpose of education and life- For imparting true training to the child, we have ourselves to perceive the purpose of education and life, in a very comprehensive sense. Not only from the moment of birth but even before the birth, child can learn, Parents be aware of this.

8.  Aim of education. - What constitutes the pronounced objective of education today? Are we or our institutions capable of carrying out the responsibility set out before us? Positively not. At the outset, ascertain the aim, the directive and the motive of education. In formulating them (objective of education) we shall not go far wrong if we remember Morant's two top priorities, the formation of character and the development of intelligence; and it is well to have regard, also, to Mill's aim of transmitting and, where possible, improving  cultural heritage.

Kalnin held a high post in Russia and is taken to be an authority on education. Speaking before a celebration meeting in honor of "decorated rural school-teachers" as they call, he addressed, "What do we mean by education? We mean influencing the physical and moral attributes of the pupil, influencing him in a' definite direction throughout the whole of his ten years of study i.e. molding him as a human being”.

The champions of the cause of ideal education the world over, unreservedly give assent to salient features of model education we have underlined thus far.

(a)       The primary necessity is to impart moral education, a mission which is hardly mechanical.

(b)       The pupils possess receptivity beyond our stretch of imagination. They of course learn by our actions. Equally our words subscribe to build their wit, wisdom and personality.

(c)       The essence of education is character-building. Parents in the uphill task should share the bulk of the burden.

9. Too many cooks - Instructors, guides, relatives, priests and parents are too many cooks that spoil the broth. Ordinarily most of them are incompetent to take up the task, when they themselves lack moral conception as well as character. Over and above, they hang fire having no courage to admit it. It is in this sense that the proclaimed aims of education have admittedly ended in smoke.

10. Where the shoe pinches - The most serious weakness in modern education is the uncertainty about its aims: It is imperative to check up where the shoe pinches. The shoe, pinches where our own imperfection is evidenced.

11.  Can we “educate” the child? - The delicate embarrassment experienced in acceptance of the moral measure by the parents themselves becomes apparent. They accept moral education as the aim not to be ever fulfilled in practice. None dare pit against canons of morality in theory, therefore - `morality in education’ is an accepted goal. But none cares implementing the conditions put forth by ethical law, in the name of formidable ‘practical difficulties' in life. As if, all concerned; the parents-and the educationist, have come to an unwritten understanding that, `truth' should be talked of with unrestricted vigor; but practiced or taught strictly when remunerative.

In this world of unbounded, chaotic selfishness, the child only learns pure selfishness-more than his parents goad (to make a person react or do something) him to learn. Obviously because the child excels the parents in intelligence. When the child himself ascends to the adult age he learns by heart unqualified selfishness. He himself becomes chaotic. The parents have no clue to the Gordian knot because they themselves were very small kids some decades back and were taught untruth, howsoever inadvertently.

12.     WHAT DO WE TEACH THE CHILD - The children are zealously told the stories of fairies, deities, ghosts, demi-gods, angels, imaginary kings and animals who talk. Nothing is deemed heretical (of or relating to adherence to a religious opinion contrary to church dogma: characterized by heresy). The narratives are depended upon for increasing imaginative prepotency (the ability of one parent to impress its hereditary characters on its progeny) of the youngsters. No story-teller has ever given any thought to the damage certain fables (a short tale to teach a moral lesson, often with animals or inanimate objects as characters); bring about.

From purely logical point of view, no fault can be found with the kid. Aesop's logic itself is manifestly unsound. This is the case where a meritorious moralist like Aesop is concerned. He has mostly written good fables. Many other stories by various authors teach deceit (dishonesty), theft, robbery, mischief, spoliation and are frequently narrated to the children. This point of view conducts the parents to, enunciate four inferences.

(1) If the stories are to be fervently told to the children for having some "effect" - on the children the deceit, untruth and wrong reasoning poured out from the fiction must produce effect of equal measure, on the children. It cannot be eschewed.

(2) Therefore it becomes imperative to discard spinning stories apparently divulging amusing, harmless gist-­inherently leading to undesirable consequences.

(3) Publications of books which possess potential strength to build the character of the child should be encouraged.

(4) There is nothing wrong wholesale, in telling the child tales that conjure up a vision or indulge in reverie (a state in which you are thinking about pleasant things). Nevertheless, the narration must precede a necessary preamble like: Look here, boys, I am going to tell you the stories, so that you should develop into true, illustrious and wise men. The stories are imaginary and their detailed implications or meanings would be understood as you grow to maturity. Animals do not talk. But Aesop conjectured from their behavior what they would talk, and for the use of children, for you all to take lessons, he has written these tales. Now listen....

A suitable preamble on these lines for a parable of any author may mend matters and mitigate the injurious consequences.

These are small details. But they count. If at all we believe that children have elastic, tender impressionable minds, they cannot exclude the impression of cunning, guile, deceit untruth, revenge and the wrong outwitting the right.

The decisive question is whether we ourselves believe in the everlasting triumph of sin. If we apprehend sin to win, being honest to conviction let us tell no tale of moral value. On the other hand, if contrary is our faith, select such stuff as would elevate your child to a higher level, may be at the risk of some initial temporary passing setbacks and recurrent difficulties.

13.    GUILTY: PARENTS AND SCHOOLS

Kalinin, the deft authority on Russian education repeats the need to train the teachers, to the extent to which blame in a country like Russia could be isolated. He says, "Many teachers forget that they should be pedagogues, and a pedagogue is an engineer of human souls. Of course to be able to influence pupils in the required direction one must possess the appropriate talent. But that is not all. To be able conscious to exert a definite influence, the teacher himself must be a highly cultured and-let me say outright-a highly educated person."

The piteous plight is not different in England. 'In the past, many parents assumed that education was a function only of the school and not of the home’.

When the dad or the mom is in a catalepsy (nervous condition characterized by muscular rigidity and fixity of posture) about the children's behavior, they frantically hasten to lay the blame at the door of schools.

Prof Bell has furnished ample evidence indicating how both the parents and the schools neglect child welfare. His surmises are represented below in five points, so far as they affect the American situation.

Higher living standards,

Changing social conditions,

Small houses,

Nuclear families,

Both the parents doing job.

These are some of the problems due to which parents are not able to take proper nurturing care of the young kids. Then they expect schools to do this. Schools, for various reasons and aims accept this mission, but teachers alone can’t comply these needs. The role of parents is vitally important.

Teachers have to have themselves role model of ideal character and teach the values to the students. But this can’t be achieved by superficial means and guidance. So the methodology has to be newly devised.

The first school of every child is his home, and his mother is his first teacher. The education which he received on his own hearth (living room) remains with him for the rest of his life, because early influences, as a rule, make the most permanent of all impressions. The lessons and guidance received by the kid under the warmth of affection and love at home leaves long lasting impacts on his/her memories and are of use in all future life. To that extent the first school of the kid is his/her home and the first teacher is the mother/father.

Obviously the picture is disquieting. Education has frightfully failed to ascertain its aim, though parents have half irresponsibly and half in faith, entrusted their children to schools. The schools appear to be ignorant, parents either foolish, selfish or knave. The perplexing paradox is, even though the ruinous predicament is brought to their notice, instead of a melioration or a saner argument, they adhere to dilatory action and destructive criticism.

Whereas all concerned are conscious of the detrimental consequences, none finds courage to bell the cat, because the real cat is every parent's personal ego. None can encroach upon one's own personal ego-not even for the putatively darling fondling.

S.V. concludes the grave consequence due to the above situation as follows:

Whether one finds it convenient or inapt, there need be no two opinions on the assertion that a large share of blame arising out of the disturbed situation goes to apathy of the parents. Mr. Fine asks, "Something has gone wrong. The headlines tell us this, and the figures bear it out. Something has gone wrong either in the life of the child or in the life of the community, or probably in both. Have we as a society been deficient in developing laws to protect children from the delinquency (illegal or immoral behavior especially by young people) disease? Have we been cheating our children?"

Parents of the other nations should be under the illusion and fertile fancy that the crisis is exclusively restricted to America.

14.    THE ONLY HOPE

There is something wrong in education, in a wider sense, more educated nations naturally swallow more bitter pills. That by no means absolves parents in the rest of the world from being on guard.

Education is necessary; it must be spread subject to proper modifications. I, for one, am an ardent follower of knowledge and science. But foundation of knowledge must necessarily be TRUTH, inexorably. (impossible to prevent or stop).

In my other works of this series, it has been established, as authenticated and supported by the pure laws of physics that TRUTH echoes the only categorical answer to our problems of health diseases, fortune and every impediment in life. TRUTH constitutes the singular means and the end. Truth is not an empty bubble, a vain talk: it is the only hope of self-deceiving humanity. To the discernment that TRUTH alone teaches and nothing else, a responsible apostle of education can take no exception. The contrary is not valid. All teaching is a waste, provided untruth is cherished.

It is thoroughly going amiss to conjure up a vision that the child has no insight in the potential power of truth. He has. You have rendered yourself powerless to comprehend that he has. We talk of promoting equality in this world. Nature has bestowed upon us a supreme equality, equality to know truth. Barren discussions on ultimate Truth, absolute Truth, are of no avail. For practical purposes, "subjective truth objectively known with detached mind" formulates a workable definition.

In whatever manner our parental accountability has been glossed over (unrecognized, unseen, overlooked), the error may be a page of the past. Let us turn a new page. Let us indoctrinate and tutor the young children in the environments of pure truth unvarnished, unadulterated truth. Talk plain truth, teach plain truth to them. Certain inconveniences, awkward situations, impassable or impossible circumstance may crop up like a bolt from the blue. Ultimately, truth alone will disentangle all the riddles. In the ultimate philosophical sense, we are not answerable to anyone except to ourselves. Nevertheless, the expression "our children" then boils down to a mere pretense. Till Mr. Fine and Dr. Bell conclude that the parents cheat their own children and till parents offer no satisfactory rejoinder, onus on them to instruct them remains unchanged.

Parents are no doubt engaged in their own vexed questions. Modern life has pressed people too hard. Unbiased truth is not even occasionally flashed across the memory in daily hazard of life. But then is it not incumbent on us to fathom as to why we invite the vagaries (unexpected events or changes that cannot be controlled and can influence a situation) of this modern mode of life? We asked for it. If^-something is gone wrong, let us wait, search, explore, unearth and begin accommodating Truth.

With or without involving religion, truth stays over a desirable and wholly acceptable value. No argument that discards truth in this respect will be incontrovertibly tenable. Therefore we must at the cost of myriad inconveniences, recommence to realize truth. The nightmares of life in the ultimate sense, originate from our cravings and consequent rejection of truth. Let us revert the process. Begin on a clean slate, begin with the newborn.

The authorities working on child behavior have courteously accepted the sacred value of truth. But their approach is still improper, inadequate, and insufficient to deal with the outstanding issue. To illustrate; S.V. quotes as follows:

For instance, Dr. Arnold Gesell, who conducts world's foremost child-study-center, quotes the following illustration:

"Jimmy's mother had just come home from the store. She had left Jimmy at home alone for the few minutes that she was gone. After all, he was six years old and old enough she figured, to take care of himself and not get into too much trouble.

"But Jimmy's mother was wrong. Just as she entered the house, she heard a loud crash. Jimmy had climbed up on to the pantry shelf and had managed to knock over and break one of her best vases"

"'Jimmy, you naughty boy, what have you done?' she scolded him.'Did you break that vase?"

"'No, Mummy, no. I didn't,'" denied Jimmy vigorously, very much frightened. He hadn't meant to knock over the vase, and certainly he hadn't expected his mother to be back so soon.

"Now, Jimmy, I have always told you to tell me the truth. Admit that you broke the vase".

"But Mummy, I didn't”, protested Jimmy.

"So off to bed went Jimmy while his mother cleaned up the pieces.

"'It wasn't so much just his breaking the vase though that was bad enough," she told Jimmy's father when he came home. "But it was his lying about it that I minded so much. So, I did the only thing I could have done. I sent him to bed. He's just got to learn to tell the truth, and he's old enough to take the blame when he has done wrong."

"We don't blame Jimmy's mother for being upset at broken bric-a-brac, but she was wrong here on at least two counts (aside from her questionable move in leaving him alone and unsupervised while she was out).

"The average child of this age just does not have the maturity to admit his own wrong-doing and if questioned directly as to whether or not he has done a 'bad' thing, he will almost invariably deny it (or at best, if he doesn't deny it, will claim, Well, I couldn't help if).

So Jimmy's mother was expecting too much in wanting him to admit his own wrong-doing, especially right after it had happened. And when she asked him directly if he had knocked over the vase, she was literally pushing him into a lie. Because it was almost a certainty--had she but realized it-that a child of his age would deny his guilt when he was accused directly."

Four paragraphs later Dr. Gesell suggests that ‘though at the age of six the boy denies his responsibility at the age of eight he is likely to accept the guilt’.

S.V. says: So, according to the learned doctor. Truth the laudable, commences at eight.

No, dear doctor, truth is a continuous process. It is a habit. It does not operate on installment basis or leave gaps. Before irreparable damage is done, we sound the timely alarm:

Save your child and your 'self’ from yourself.  As is said by Goethe, "Man wird me betrogen, man betrugt sich selbst" (We are never deceived, we deceive ourselves.)

15.  THE CHILD IS MORE AWARE

Dr. Gesell's prediction that a child repudiating nuda veritas (the naked truth) at the age of six, may accept his charlatanism (cheating) two years later is merely hoping against hope, if not a rigmarole (a long, complicated, and annoying process). The child lacking courage to admit wrong at six cannot suddenly change over to unfeigned behavior as a rule. Without practice, meditation, persuasion how can he leave the habit of prevarication'? A mansion or an acropolis cannot be fabricated where an architect or an engineer can put on the eighth story after the sixth, without constructing the seventh one. There is no rationale in speculating that a youngster holds back a good habit unused for one or two years.

A child can, besides inborn inclination, go in for untruth only if an opportunity is available to him. Notwithstanding the inborn instinct towards favoring untruth, the pivot of the problem is, how could he first express a misstatement in the present life, unless parents allow him an opportunity?

Imagine an infant nurtured to the age of three. The child for three years is fondled without a word being uttered. As an inborn urge, the child will emit sound and twang, but in which language can he talk? No language. Belike, for some reason if parents do not give the little one an occasion to manifest untruth, the newborn may not reach renewed horizons of falsehood. It amounts to apparently negative yet practically positive gain. As the boy grows, he is more truthful in a sense, he remains exposed to evil attacks for a lesser period and so can be called a less corrupt individual in terms of untruth.

16.  NONE DENIES TRUTH THEORETICALLY

Parents, teachers and the taught formulate three sides of educational triangle, which, in effect, shapes itself into a perplexing (mentally confused) tangle. No party rejects truth in theory, yet accepts

It in practice. Children are, comparatively and intellectually, less conversant with paradiddle (typical sound of drum). Parents endorse truth. Supreme role of moral education has long been acknowledged by educationists. In spite of this unanimity, mal-effects of misconduct look increasingly periscopic (different views from periscope). From ancient Greek or oriental educationists, supporters of moral education have struggled to strengthen their point of view. Except for periodical lapses, when morality^, went in the background, moralists never lacked generous support, though in theory.

Not to mince matters, it can be asserted that an all ­sided solemn support for moral curriculum and Truth is diffused through. What is the apology and excuse which forecloses practice'? All concerned baffle description of the accepted solution in sheer bewilderment and pusillanimity (cowardliness). Someone has to bravely break the cover. It is hypocrisy on one hand, to say that Truth stands first and foremost and on the other hand to put forward excuses or palliations, when matters come to brass tacks. One can chime in with parents if they accept teaching unvarnished truth in principle, begin earnestly but slowly and ask time for integrated achievement. Such request is plainly discernible (noticeable, can understand). Nobody is in that impetuous scramble. On our commencement right now the next generation will be slightly invigorated (to make someone feel fresher, healthier, and more energetic):  which in turn can bear a hand to elevate its youngsters. 

The process may call for the endeavor of four generations-may be forty, but the responsibility of the present generation to draw^- on futurity (future time) becomes imperative.

To parents:  The author can predict how much annoyed the impatient parents may feel on going through the present essay. Some of them would be inclined to investigate whether the expostulation herein could be undone. An erratic may make a row that the innocent parents have been scurrilously insulted by my surmise. The author pleads not-guilty. The Truth is to be told for the perpetual, transcendental good of the parents. Aristotle said, "Plato is dear to me, but dearer still is truth". Howsoever fanciful, a dream is a dream. Romance of chimera (a hope or dream that is extremely unlikely ever to come true) does not last eternally. Fumes of fancy are bound to fade away in face of reality.

John Macy has bluntly remarked, "The notion that the parents are entitled to respect simply because they are parents is preposterous (absurd; senseless; utterly foolish). The stream of obligation runs strongly the other way."

The new-born, if accorded leave to pause for a second; may himself pray that his parents be endowed with strength to abstain from untruth. The little newcomer may like guardians to employ harsh means instead of false, misdirected affection. Mr. Fine suspected whether we deceive our own children, subconsciously having the same pinch of guilt. It is no use deceiving children, even assuming that they do not see through elder's selfishness and pretense (pretend, make believe) of love. Oscar Wilde observed, "Children begin by loving their parents. After a time they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them." The way children take revenge on their parents is by becoming ungrateful and unworthy themselves. It amounts to a very hard, unexpected luck for parents particularly for those who remain oblivious of their own diabolical (cunningness of devil, evil) wrongs.

To keep clear of afflictions originated from ill-defined affection, a serene satisfaction for yourself and your dear ones, re-draft a new program for child-education. Impart ethical education having an excelling import that gives meaning to life. Our immediately being alive to the grave situation and taking instantaneous action is the only silver lining of the cloud.

After making initial observations as above, Swami Vijnananand, did not stop. As a real zealous social worker, he worked out plans to help the homes (parents) and schools (teachers) to assist in properly nurturing the child’s character development from prenatal stage to the stage of an adult youth. Without any institutional help, support, donations, grants on his own, he took his plans to the interested groups of people. Convinced by the merits of the mission slowly, one by one seekers joined the mission and the organization “MANASHAKTI PRAYOG KENDRA” took shape. We will see in the articles to follow the detailed outline of the activities carried out by this organization for last many years in the service to the society in nurturing the youths.

Vijay R. Joshi.