EARLY YEARS OF EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT

QUOTES FROM CHANAKYA NEETI on CHILD NURTURE                             

लालयेत् पंच वर्षाणि दश वर्षाणि ताडयेत् ।
प्राप्ते तु षोडशे वर्षे पुत्रं मित्रवदाचरेत् ॥

For first five years, one’s kid should be pampered (meaning treated with only love and affection), the next ten years he should be scolded (meaning must be disciplined) and once he turns sixteen he should be treated as a friend. Your grown up children are your best friends.

Birth of a child gives meaningfulness to the life of mother. Entire family feels happy and gets busy around the new arrival. Elders bless child to grow up as great and competent human being to make family, society & nation proud.

We are reviewing the ways and means that will show how to put in efforts to accomplish this. The body, brain and behavior of the child will be synchronized properly for the future successful life.

Structure of Brain

Efficiency and development of brain is vitally important in the success and failure of a human being as brain plays very important role between mind (desires) and body (action).

At the time of birth, brain is not completely developed. Development of brain structure continues during entire lifetime. But the sizable important part of this process takes place in the childhood. All Neurons in brain are ready at the time of birth. But connections (synapses) between these neurons are built after birth. The structure of brain is shaped after shaping these complicated and long connections.

Two third structure of brain is ready during first three to four years after birth. During this period neurons are connected very rapidly. At the same time,cortex, limbic, reptile,  process of learning also takes place at faster pace than any other time of life. Emotional education is an important part of this learning. If child undergoes stressful situation during this stage, there is possibility that it might harm learning centers and intelligence of the brain. The brain research has proven that emotional education received during this period has lasting effects

Parts of Brain and Their Functions

Three main parts of brain are as follows:

•                   Cortex

•                   Limbic System

•                   Reptile Brain


Cortex - Learning, thinking and imagination are main functions of cortex. It can rationally think using logic and intelligence. The ability to use this is generally developed after 7 years of age. Thinking is the main function of cortex.

Limbic System – It is related to emotions. Emotions can be often mixed, complicated and many times paradoxical. They are rarely simple and straightforward. Structure of limbic system is complete till 5 years of age. During these first five years of childhood, love, affection, care and warmth of parents favorably affects the development of its structure. Many times in our life, we see that during struggle between thinking (logic) and emotions, mostly emotions overpower logic.

Reptile brain - 200 million years ago, during evolution, brain developed among reptiles as a body part. Humans inherited this brain from them.  The main function of this part is securing existence and reproduction. This part is completely developed at the time of birth. It is generally more effective than two other parts of brain. The basic instincts generated in this part always influence the emotions and logic in future.

Reptile brain that is active at the time of birth, limbic brain that develops during first 7 years after birth, and cortex that develops after 7 years - are the stages of brain structure. We should plan the nurturing efforts accordingly.

First Five Years of Love and Affection

Indian traditional culture is based on years of observation and logical deduction with the intuition of learned sages. The quotation from the Chanakya Neeti is cited above. Formula of education says that first five years child should be brought up adoringly. They should get ample love, care and appreciation during this period. While child is growing according to his or her tendencies, they should get love and only love from their parents. A child also gets micro vibrations with this love. These vibrations of love, affection, care & warmth create emotion of trust and security in the spirit of child. The brain connection process that creates correct emotions remains active through the unconditional love given mainly by parents and grandparents. Nothing but love has power to create the filling of security during these years.

Do not scold or beat children during this period or burden their minds with anything. Their Nervous System should not be overburdened. Do not disrespect their emotions. Do not neglect them. In every situation elders must deal with child understandingly without compromising own balance.  Earlier there used to be joint families. Today we have nuclear family (i.e. Husband, wife and two or one kid). In such family husband and wife both normally are bread winners. It is really very difficult to manage this (child’ demands) in their hectic life.

Even though it’s difficult, it is also inevitable from the perspective of nature. We can consider some options such as staying in joint family where grand-parents can look after child or one of the parents may sacrifice his/her career for child.

Day care is the next option. But can day care be substitute to unconditional love of parents & grand-parents? We need to find answer to this question.

Guidelines for Parenting

• The brain grows faster in the first five years than at any other time in your child’s life.
• Each new skill your child learns helps him develop more skills.
• Both genes and experience influence skill development.

(https://www.understood.org/en/learning-attention-issues/signs-symptoms/developmental-milestones/skill-development-from-birth-to-age-5)

Children are mainly dependent on parents till the age of seven years. Children need parents’ proximity during this period. Thus this period is very effective and important for parents from the point of view of child’s development.

Children understand the language of emotions. They learn from your behavior towards them rather than what your words tell theYoung children consider their parents and teachers both as their ideals

The behavior of parents and teachers affects child in both positive and negative way and such effect can last for long term.

Stages of Growth (Till The Age of Seven)

Development of ego: The ego develops or mainly initiates taking shape from 2 to 7 years of age. ‘I am the center of the universe, All things are living’ – this feeling prevails more in this age group of childhood. These are the characteristics of child’s behavior during years of development. Curiosity to ask continuous questions is another characteristic.

Development of emotions: Awareness and development of subconscious mind takes place during these years. During first 6-7 years, emotional development of a child takes place normally in the following order - Happiness, sorrows, worries, proud, shame, friendship, jealousy and competition.

Social sense: Knowing mother, father and other people; sense of family and togetherness; beginning of discipline; friend circle; study – these stages of social development occur till 6-7 years of age. 

Emotional Personality of A Child

Emotional intelligence is the ability to identify and manage your own emotions and the emotions of others. It is generally said to include three skills: emotional awareness; the ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problem solving; and the ability to manage emotions, which includes regulating your own emotions and cheering up or calming down other people. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/emotional-intelligence)

Having parents with emotional intelligence are very beneficial to children. How parents treat child is important, but how they treat each other on emotional level is equally important in this regard. Child observes every minute thing happening in the family and he is eager to learn new things. Thus it has far- reaching impact on a child. Research has shown that couple, emotionally involved with each other proves to be more capable in nurturing child with love.

Kinds of Parenting

Parents behave with child in a different ways. Following are the kinds of parenting we generally see around us:

Completely neglecting emotions of child: Parents either completely neglect emotional upheaval of child or immediately get angry. They neither use emotional imbalance of child to get closer to him or her nor try to make child’s emotions healthy.

Indifferent: Parents understand the feeling of child. But they are indifferent to bring any change. They do not have tendency to help child to deal with his or her emotions in a different way. They try superficially to calm the child. Sometimes they try to bribe crying or angry child with candy or toy to calm him/her down.

Disrespect towards emotions of child: Such parents think opposing the emotional upheaval of child is a better option. Their solution to the problem is scolding or punishing child. They repress the emotions of child using harsh language - “shut up! Don’t you dare to utter single word!”

Teachers of emotion: Such parents see emotional upheaval of a child as an opportunity to improve him or her. They try to find root cause to the child’s trouble (For example, Are you angry because Raju hurt you?). Then they help child to find positive solution for his trouble (For example, why don’t you play some game alone for some time? After you calm down go and play with Raju again.)

Each and every person is unique and so are the styles of different parents.

Day-to-Day Care of Young Children’s Brains

Research on early brain development and school readiness suggests the following guidelines for the care of young children:

Ensure health, safety, and good nutrition: Seek regular prenatal care; breast feed if possible; make sure your child has regular check-ups and timely immunizations; safety-proof the places where children play; and use a car seat whenever your child is traveling in a car.

Develop a warm, caring relationship with children: Show them that you care deeply about them. Express joy in who they are. Help them to feel safe and secure.

Serve-and-return: Like a tennis match, how you respond to a child’s cues and clues makes a world of difference in their learning. Notice their rhythms and moods, even in the first days and weeks of life. Respond to children when they are upset as well as when they are happy. Try to understand what children are feeling, what they are telling you (in words or actions), and what they are trying to do. Hold and touch them; play with them in a way that lets you follow their lead. Move in when children want to play, and pull back when they seem to have had enough stimulation.

       
Recognize that each child is unique: Keep in mind that from birth, children have different temperaments, that they grow at their own pace, and that this pace varies from child to child. At the same time, have positive expectations about what children can do and hold on to the belief that every child can succeed.

Talk, read, and sing to children: Surround them with language. Maintain an ongoing conversation with them about what you and they are doing. Sing to them, play music, tell stories and read books. Ask toddlers and preschoolers to guess what will come next in a story. Play word games. Ask toddlers and preschoolers questions that require more than a yes or no answer, like “What do you think…?” Ask children to picture things that have happened in the past or might happen in the future. Provide reading and writing materials, including crayons and paper, books, magazines, and toys. These are key pre-reading experiences.

Encourage safe exploration and play: Give children opportunities to move around, explore and play (and be prepared to step in if they are at risk of hurting themselves or others). Help them to explore relationships as well. Arrange for children to spend time with children of their own age and of other ages and support their learning to solve the conflicts that inevitably arise.

Use discipline to teach: Talk to children about what they seem to be feeling and teach them words to describe those feelings. Make it clear that while you might not like the way they are behaving, you love them. Explain the rules and consequences of behavior so children can learn the “why’s” behind what you are asking them to do. Tell them what you want them to do, not just what you don’t want them to do. Point out how their behavior affects others.

Establish routines: Create routines and rituals for special times during the day like mealtime, nap time, and bedtime. Try to be predictable so the children know that they can count on you.

Become involved in child care and preschool: Keep in close touch with your children’s child care  Occasionally, especially during transitions, spend time with your children while they are being cared for by others. The caring relationships they form outside of the home are among the most important relationships they have.

Limit screen time: Limit the time children spend watching TV shows and videos as well as the type of shows they watch. For very young children, there is no research evidence suggesting TV helps children learn.

Take care of yourself: You can best care for young children when you are cared for as well. Learn to cope with your stressors so that you can help your child learn too. Your child’s well-being depends on your health and well-being.

(Source: Shore, R. (1997). Rethinking the Brain: New Insights into Early Development. New York, NY: Families and Work Institute, pp. 26-27.

Efforts of Manashakti Research Center - Mendu-Kranti (Brain Revolution) guidance to the parents, basic course.

Considering the points mentioned above and in order to help parents in nurture of their kids till age 7, Manashakti offers guidance through training courses for last over 30 years. The three days programs conducted in main center and the workshops at main and outstation local centers have trained thousands of curious parents till now. The efforts are appreciated by parents and the events are very popular. All the events are conducted as part of social service at no profit, no loss basis.

This course (Mendu kranti, brain revolution) is specially meant for parents having kids between 1 and 7 years.

As seen, the state of brain changes every seven years. The first stage of brain development is seven years after birth. The efforts taken to nurture the kids in this phase help them all along their lives. These children have a great understanding power and receptivity, and the ignorance towards them can invite various problems. This course offers detailed guidance regarding the steps to achieve physical, psychological and intellectual development of the child as well as the right approach to be taken as parents in this process.

Parents must have emotional intelligence and understanding to raise child properly. Being mother & father is easy but being parents is bit difficult. But it is equally true that efforts in right direction can make parenting easy and enjoyable. At Lonavala, Manashakti conducts 3 day study camp that help parents in the proper emotional development of a child.

Mendu-Kranti (Brain Revolution) – Advance

This 2-days advance study course is meant for parents of kids between 1 and 7 years of age; and only for those parents who have previously attended the basic Mendu-kranti course as above. A rational parenting approach for it is discussed in this course.

Features:

1. How to nurture kids?

2. Various experiments for kids explaining how to make the kids participate in such experiments

3. Unique action plans (activities) for kid's brain development

4. Achieving emotional & social development in kids

5. Guide lines for rational parenting

6. Communication skills for parents etc.

Day work shop is also designed for the parents who would not be able to spare more time.

Mind Machine tests are available to find out aptitude/interests/ inclination of children. For better nurture impact, parents must do self-analysis to bring changes in own behavior. Parents are told some simple tricks to do this. If the parents endeavor to assess the inherent tendency or inclinations of the child in these early years, then probably they can help him for proper career or learning discipline in the later years.

Books. A number of relevant books and Mind-Body machine tests are available at Manashakti for the help of parents and children. The details can be seen from the website:  manaashakti.org.

Efforts in the next stage.

We have seen briefly how to take care of our young children in their early years. Second important stage in development of child is 8 to 14 years of age. This period is of transformation from childhood to youth. Also it is an important period that shapes personality. In next article let’s discuss what to do for this age group.

Vijay R. Joshi,

Emotional balance is a conscious effort: (KNOW YOUR DEATH - 6)

                                        

Intellect has to be watched to improve the karma.

We are what our deep, driving desire is. As our deep, driving desire is, so is our will. As our will is, so is our deed. As our deed is, so is our destiny. — Upanishad.

As seen from the flow chart the intellect has the option to select only from the desires/emotions which emerge. In order to understand the natural emotions which normally emerge in a human mind let us discuss the evolution of the emotions in the journey of the evolution of life. Let us start with the working of brain. 

Western research throws ample light on the working of brain though there are still many unexplored areas.

Brain composition

All human beings are born with brains divided into three parts –

Cortex                   (The cerebral hemispheres)

Limbic system     (the hippocampus, the amygdalae and the hypothalamus)

Reptilian brain    (The brain stem and cerebellum)

The cortex- It handles learning, abstract thoughts and imagination. This comes into the practical use in most children after they are seven years old. Before that age, children do not have the mental tools to make intellectual assessment. The cortex is where logic resides and where we do the higher level reasoning that separate us from all other animals.

The Limbic system – It deals with emotions. Emotions are never simple. In fact, they are often surrounded with contradictions. The limbic brain is structured between birth and age five. It depends largely on a child’s relationship with mother from whom child receives warmth, love and a strong sense of connection. It is very rare to experience that with father. Because of this relationship with mother, the limbic has a strong feminine side. It is human find that in struggle between intelligence and emotions, the limbic part often comes on top as we are much more likely to allow our heart to guide us than the reason.

Reptilian brain – The undisputed champion of three brains is the reptilian brain. The name comes from this regions similarity to the brains of reptiles, which are believed to be relatively unchanged from the brains their predecessors has 200 million years ago. Our reptilian brain programs us for two major things – survival and reproduction. These are, of course, our most fundamental instincts. If we could not survive and reproduce, our species would end. The reptile brain is, thus, more influential than the rest of two brains. Physical attraction for instance, has a strong reptilian dimension. Because survival is more fundamental to our existence than 'feeling good' or ‘making sense', the reptilian brain always rules the day. In a battle between logic, emotions and instinct, the reptilian brain always wins. This is true when one is dealing with personal welfare, human relationship, purchasing decisions and even the choice of a leader. Like individuals, cultures have a very strong reptilian dimension.

We do the overwhelming majority of our learning when we are children. By the time, we are seven, most of our mental highways have been constructed. But emotions continue to provide us with new imprints throughout our lives. Thus in the path of evolution and also in the path of growth in life naturally the survival instinct comes first followed by likings (self-centered emotions and thoughts) and final consideration goes to logic or conscious sense.

The emotional Brain

It’s the most common experience that feelings prevail over most of our decisions and actions more than thoughts. Pure rational behaviour, measured by Intelligence Quotient (IQ), is often stressed upon but seldom comes to the fore; translated into action. Emotional brain indeed gets the better half of thoughts. It happens in fractions of seconds much before we understand. Later on, rational mind, which has comprehended all in the meanwhile, presents facts. We may jump with joy or burst into tears in certain situations, that’s emotional reaction. After some time, rational mind may make us realize that it was a bit of an ‘overreaction’.

The hippocampus and amygdale were the two key parts of the primitive brain, which gave a rise to the 'cortex' and then the 'neo cortex'. The amygdale deals with emotions. It acts as a storehouse of emotional memory and thus life without amygdale, is a life stripped of personal meanings. All passions depend on it. Joseph Le Doux, USA, was the first to discover the key role of amygdale in the emotional brain. His research explains how the amygdale can take control over what we do even as the thinking brain, the neo cortex, is still coming to decision.

That’s why we act first and wonder later how we could act like this. The amygdale makes us spring to action while neo cortex, though little slowly, unfolds its more refined plan for reaction. Other research has shown that in the first few mille seconds of our perceiving something, we not only unconsciously comprehend what it is, but decide whether we like it or not, the 'cognitive unconscious' presents our awareness with not just the identity of what we see but an opinion about it. Our emotions have mind of their own, one which can hold views quite independently of our rational mind.

In short, the brain has two memory systems, one for simple facts and other for emotional charged ones. A special system for emotional memories makes an excellent sense in evolution, of course, ensuring that animals would have particularly vivid memories of what threatens or pleases them.

Evolution of the mind through emotions:

Though the emotions have evolved with time, basic instincts like fear are something we are born with and they are part of the reptile brain. Anger was developed and carried forward in the next step of progress of the limbic system.  The growth of the cortex and especially neo-cortex gifted humans with wisdom, courage and peace. The development of the brain throughout the life also follows the same pattern from pre-natal stage to the fully grown-up stage. Though it all depends on conditioning and training mind right from preconception stage, it’s because of instincts like fear and self-defense, some so called ‘negative’ emotions may ride over whereas positive emotions are earned over with deliberation as they were evolved and not something, we were already born with.

The survival instinct was very predominant in primitive men. Perhaps, this might have led on to procreation to carry forward the legacy. The Sex (Kama) was the next instinct. With direct threat to survival, instinct of fear emerged. Out of this developed anger, (Krodha). Kama and Krodha are the emotions for the survival and existence. They were basic instincts of stone-age men and to some extent, they are also the essential requirements for the modern man.

Primitive man created defense mechanisms like attacks or weapons for self-protection. Realization of victory is what could have taken to greed (Lobha). A streak of success and supremacy was most likely grown into self-superiority (Mada). During this process of evolution, which must have continued for thousands years, the brain developed the limbic cortex over the initial reptile brain. With domination, what emerged could have been envy and affection, (Matsar, Maya). The process of thinking is associated with the emergence of cortex portion in the brain. The refinement of the emotions, both, good and bad, continued and so were feelings evolved. This was possible as the brain added layers of Neo- cortex to the cortex. Evolution from instincts to emotions is somewhat simultaneous to development of human brain. 

Emotional balance is a conscious effort: Ashtang Yoga by Patanjali shows the way. 

A human being is equipped with a brain with a phenomenal capacity to pursue both, good and bad things. We have seen that certain negative reactions or emotions could be impulsive because of fear and survival instincts. Nevertheless, rest of the emotions and feelings, from anger to envy are to do with human progress. In advanced form, they are cultivated and not something we were born with.

This is where proper conditioning and mental discipline come into play. Capacities of brain still largely remain unexplored.  The neurologists and the psychologists hold distinctly different views. With researches, new abilities and specialties of the human brain are being discovered.

         

Instinct based desires as above emerge and can form the basis of Karma. Intellect takes decisions on its intention and priority. In order to study the nature of intellect, let us see later how this is classified in different ways. The ways and means to achieve the conscious emotional balance are best explained in the eastern philosophy. Let us briefly go through these details in the articles to follow.

Vijay R. Joshi.