Character Developing Efforts - 2 ( AGE 7 TO 14)

The most vital Period for Nurturing Balanced Personality.

Nobody is 100% perfect in this world. Everybody has some flaws. Likewise nobody is 100% faulty. Everybody has some kind of good quality. Each personality is the combination of some good qualities and some bad qualities. We must try to identify the good qualities in child and try to improve them. At the same time we should try to locate bad qualities in child and attempt to reduce or eliminate them. This process will lead to personality development, not only of the child but also parents. One simple yet meaningful definition of ‘sanskar’ is multiplication of good qualities and division of bad qualities. This definition makes one thing clear. Not only child but every living individual need sanskar. Parents too learn while bringing child up.

Child - A Different Personality: 

Every child is a different personality. Only a part of child’s personality can be pre-planned by nature or heredity. Child will have his own behavior style distinct from the parents. Therefore parents should not expect child to behave as they like. They should not compare child with themselves, their ideals or other children.

       

  

                         

Parenting efforts ought to be mostly on trial and error basis. Ideal parenting and ideal child is an imaginary concept. We should identify hidden, potential qualities in the child and gradually provide scope for the development. Parents must consciously ensure that their flaws should not affect child adversely. For that an honest introspection is necessary. They must rigorously try to save their child from their flaws. If you find any flaw in child, tenderly make him aware of it. Help him to overcome it. The correction in the behavior of the child is to be effected with patience. Have positive attitude of curiosity while doing this and not with tension and worry. Instead of saying ‘parents raise or teach children’ saying ‘parents help children to develop’ is more correct. Feeling of ownership and possession with respect to own child is not right and can be troublesome.

Patience Of Parents While Understanding Child: 

Understanding children and keeping awareness with their mental world is very important but difficult task of parenting. It really needs communication. For successful communication listening carefully is as important as talking. We often tend to forget this reality in the prevailing fast track age. When child tries to say something, we assume a role of teacher or master and start lecturing the child. Sometimes we assume the role of manager and try to provide them readymade solutions. Or sometimes we become Hitler and start scolding child.

In such incidences, parents should do well in controlling their emotions and respect child’s expression with or without saying anything. It is the first step.  Parents should intentionally create such atmosphere in the family where child will express his emotions, respect emotions of others, understand the viewpoint behind the emotions and understand various available options.

Pampering and Admiring: 

Admiration is necessary to encourage good behavior and special achievements of children. But don’t pamper them too much. Use words carefully while praising them. “You are great! Nobody is like you”! Such words can increase the ego of child. If child dose something, tell him what is good and what can still be done to improve further. Communication with child should be natural, effortless and by heart. Child should not smell threat in your words. They should be frankly able to speak whatever they want. Communication should enable them to speak and express their mind. If you want to make them understand something; use of small stories may be very effective.

Optimism: Behavior of parents has far-reaching effect on child. Accordingly child’s attitude towards the world is developed. Inculcating optimistic habits depends mostly on behavior of parents, teachers and other family members. Tense incidents in this speedy world adversely affect the mind of a child. Efforts to mitigate this will be helpful.

Optimistic children tend to think that bad events occur very rarely, they are for short period and they occur due to specific reason. Pessimistic children think bad events are permanent. They think bad events cover every aspect of their life, they make life perish. Such children think they are burdened with such incidents. Child observes how parents react to emergency situation. The response, reaction and behavior by parents in such situation gives shape to the future habits and the tendencies of the child.

Burden of Expectation: Parents should not burden children with their unfulfilled dreams without considering child’s capacity (educational) or aptitude. Terror of parents creates tendency to do unwilling drama of study. Doing unwanted things make child aloof from family and friends.

     

This triggers the mental tension. In some cases not only children but parents as well suffer from psychological illness. Instead of thinking which career has scope in future, parents must think what my child would like to do. It would be more appropriate if parents encourage child to choose career of his likings and then help strive for success in achieving.

Quarrels of Parents: Differences and quarrels between husband and wife are unavoidable. But one can certainly do something about the nature of argument, its intensity and purpose. In growing age, child expects parents to follow the same good things which they have taught the child to follow. Child gets confused when his expectations are shattered. When arguments between parents get ugly and child notices it to be exactly opposite of what he is taught, his life values are shaken. This might result in disbelief, suspicion, disrespect about parents. Child might feel mentally distant from parents. Therefore parents must avoid quarrels and arguments in front of child and behave in restrained and thoughtful way.

Spending Time With Children: Parents should sit with child, talk with him, admire him, listen to him. Giving your quality time is an important need of a child. When both the parents are working, such needs of child rarely get fulfilled. He rarely gets company of his mother; rarely get closer to his father. Affectionate company of parents provides complementary thought waves for psychological development of child. So parents must schedule some time in their routine for this.

Puberty: Relationship means people tied with delicate thread of emotions. These threads are stronger in the relations of mother and daughter. In young age, girl child is completely dependent on mother. She has complete faith in her mother. But after particular age the relation between mother and child changes. Experts say, children attain puberty earlier these days. During transformation from teenage to young age, a girl needs support of understanding and likeminded person. During this period her mother makes her aware of natural and social restrictions on her. Many times mother and father lacks the technique to create this awareness. So a girl takes it as a burden. She feels like she is tied with a chain. This triggers suspicion, misunderstanding, anger and sometimes inferiority complex. If brother of same age enjoys freedom in home but she has to follow rules and restriction then this partiality seems very restraining to her. She becomes short tempered. She doesn't understand why everybody is trying to teach a grown up girl like her how to behave. At such time she needs friend and advisor who tenderly, affectionately understand and appreciate her problems and also clear all her doubts.  If mother peacefully accomplish both the roles then this stage successfully passes over.

Discipline: Never overlook mistakes of children. Tell them about their mistakes specifically but tenderly. This will create essential temporary feeling of shame and guilt in their mind and they will try avoid recurrence of such mistakes.  After this; make them accept some token punishment for their mistake. But always make sure not to have any kind of force or blaming in this process. Making somebody disciplined doesn't mean punishing him. Child's behavior will improve if you explain them properly what will be the consequences of their mistakes and making them bear the responsibility of their behavior. But if you give them severe punishment, it will result in anger or fear. This will create more problems than solving the existing one. It is important to help children learn from their mistakes as it can provide good learning experience. Edison's experiments of making electricity bulb were unsuccessful 999 times. He was successful at 1000^th attempt. About this Edison said "I haven’t failed, I have just found 999 ways that won’t work.” 

Anger: Anger is inevitable. It can be expressed softly or strongly. For example, anger, exasperation, temper, rage, fury, infuriation are the emotions with tremendous energy that can make or mar things. Some parents always advice their angry child not to get angry. They ridicule the cause of his anger and advice to control his emotions. Or they tease him as Jamadagni. Or some parents themselves angrily shout at child. All these things increase the anger of child and not reduce it. Accept the emotion of anger in a child. Allow it to get expressed. But restrict the method by which anger can be expressed. Make clear that throwing things, beating, using foul words are wrong methods of expression. Show him how to express anger using correct method. Importantly; never react by shouting or beating. Because this may give message that shouting/beating is acceptable way. And later they too may learn to oppose anger with this method.

Fear: Fear is the emotion that every one of us has experienced at some point in our life. Real or fake fears in mind affect concentration, memory and behavior of child. One reason for this is parents/teachers does not educate child about inevitable feeling of fear. The fear management can be done with the analysis or answers to the following queries.

Why is emotion of fear created?

How does this emotion affect our body/mind?

How does it get reflected?

How to get connected with the fear instead of avoiding it?

How to reach to the root cause of fear?

How to understand this feeling and to express it properly?

Is this feeling expressed by others, even adults?

We can reduce the fear of the ‘fear’ in the mind of child by answering such questions.

Instead of giving immediate solution to the frightened child, try to make him accept it in minimum words as a natural phenomenon.  Tell the child fear is like an e-mail. If you know how to open it you will be able to use the information. Fear always ask us questions - “Do you really want to do this?” Proper answers of this question remove further fear from our mind. Give your child such advice. Don’t make child too much secure so that he won’t be afraid at all. Instead leave scope to accept fear and conquer it.

Friends: Friends can have major influence on child. Therefore it is important from the point of view of parents that they get acquainted with and have information about their child’s friends. If possible be in contact with parents of your child’s friend. Be aware of studies and behavior in school through parent’s meetings and class teachers. Don’t give excessive pocket money to child. This might result in purchasing unnecessary things or cultivating wrong habits. Take timely review of happenings in the schoo lby interacting with teachers, other parents, your child and his friends.

Media: Various kinds of media such as newspaper, magazines, movies, Advertisements, TV serials, Internet provide or make available many proper/improper things to children. Smart mobile phone is a fresh addition. All this affects developing personality, habits and likings of child. Detail information regarding misuse of these media are published from time to time. It has become very necessary that parents should keep their child away from misuse of these media.

Sexual Harassment: “Mummy, in a lunch break when I am alone, Rajesh kisses me” – parents feel their world turned upside down when they hear such things from a girl of 7 to 8 years of age. Parents are taken aback witnessing vulgar acts of these children. Considering the problems faced by this children, we wonder if the age of sexual awareness arrives earlier these days. World statistics regarding child molestation is overwhelming. Children of 8 years of age, sometimes below 8 years of age are cheated and harassed by their own family members, neighbors or any other known persons. We read such news in newspaper often. We cannot overlook this increasing danger from the point of view of future of child. Parents, however they try to avoid answering sex related queries of child, he or she finds answers to these questions by other proper/improper means. Instead of child getting wrong, misleading and vulgar information, parents themselves should introduce the subject step by step. This does not trigger unnecessary curiosity and child gets all the answers. Many prospective threats are also eliminated. This subject requires proper guidance during evolving age of adolescence.

Avoid this if possible: 

Never label child as idiot, fool, shameless, lazy, selfish, etc. This creates excess shame or guilt in the mind of child. This hinders the emotional growth of child. Instead of labelling a child sarcastically; parents should say whatever they want to say in clear and tender words.  Avoid sentences like – What do you think of yourself? How many times do I have to tell you something? How shameless you are?

Identify inner voice of a child. Make him aware of your expectations and restrictions about his or her behavior. Never show child his flaws in front of any known person, particularly his friends.

Every child is a unique personality. So it is obvious that care and parenting practice and skill required for each child will be different. For balanced personality development of a child, we must take care on three different levels:

Career choice by Recognizing Child’s Aptitude: 

If parents observe child carefully since childhood, they can identify his aptitude, skills and likings. Once child is mature enough they can discuss this with him and guide him to choose his career. Such choice makes success easy. Efforts are felt enjoyable. The success in life largely depends on success in right choice of the career.

Health (Physical): The fit body that child needs in future life has its foundation formed during childhood. Family must deliberately attempt to inculcate good habits of diet, exercise and daily routine. Child should be taught yoga, pranayama, meditation, Surya-namaskar. If he practice it regularly and honestly then this practice will be useful for entire life.

Nature (Behavior): It is important to nurture virtuous nature from childhood. Atmosphere in the family and behavior of parents set ideal for this. A child with positive attitude, having no inferiority/superiority complex, hardworking, brave, and honest calm nature can remain balanced in success and failures of life. Such child can attain the crest of success and bring pride for his family and community. Parents can guide in attain discipline in child, taking into account his original traits and trends primarily till 14 years of age. After 14 years, the influencing process by parents has lesser impact.

“Manashakti” efforts in this area. 

Buddhi-Vardhan & Bal-Samasya (Basic)

Buddhi-Vardhan mean development of intelligence. Bal samasya means the kids related parenting problems.

The research has established that even the brighter students unknowingly feel stressed by the burden of studies. In that case, it is obvious that average students too must be under stress. We need to take care of all students. The care need not be restricted only to the school study related subjects but in all other areas, viz. health and behavior, which is development of total personality.

Buddhi Vardhan camp for students.
(Duration: 3 days; Residential course).

Covers:

1. How to remain healthy?

2. Various efforts to be taken for all-round development.

3. The scientific methods to achieve scholastic success without being stressed out.

4. Simple tricks to enhance the concentration power.

5. How to manage self-energy optimally to achieve superior goals?

6. How to inculcate leadership, courage, gratitude, and patriotism in one’s life?

7. Development of creative abilities through games, songs and drawing.

8. Self-discipline through self-reliance.

(IMP: It is necessary for both or at least either of the parents to accompany the child.)

Bal-Samasya (Basic), 

Parallel 3 days study camp arranged for parents.

It is for the parents who have the kids belonging to the age group 8-14 years. Participation along with children is highly beneficial to parents. This age group comes in the phase when developing the physical, psychological and emotional capabilities of the children is critically important for right future life. The changes in behavior pattern of the kids are observed during this phase. From one perspective, these children feel burdened by the expectations of their parents. On the other side, they need to survive in the competition. On the third front, they need to get adjusted with the fast changing surroundings.

This course offers guidance regarding the ways to understand the blooming buds, the method to bring equilibrium among their scholastic progress, behavior and health. Logically scientific and psychological remedies are given for various problems coming along the way.

Duration: 3 days

Buddhi-Vardhan (Students) & Bal-Samasya (Parents) (Advance course)

This camp can be done only after attending the basic Buddhi-Vardhan camp. The following topics are discussed in it.

1. What is the rational meaning of progress?

2. Experiments to learn scientific thought-process

3. The course includes a mind-body machine test useful to help enhance concentration and creativity

4. Guidance to children to gain scholastic success.

Duration: 3 days.

Additional help available at option is as follows:

Relevant Mind-body Machine Test.

ADHD Test

Alertness Test

Bio-thermal Currents Test

Brain Dominance Test

Mental Fatigue Test

Neuro-Cognitive Test

Steadiness Test

Kits (Set of books)

Bal-Sanskar Kit

Brain Revolution Experiments

Physical - Mental Development Planning Kit

Health Products                        

Buddhivardhan Yog.

Chyavanprashavaleh

Japakusum Oil

Shatavari Kalpa

Tri-shakti Zeal

Experimental Product              

Brainy Cube                                                

Mind Tendency Graphs

Pyrobrain

Snake and Ladder of Success

Tangram

Triangle Concentration

Thousands of students along with parents have been benefited with these Manashakti efforts every year. The camps are conducted over last 30 years as service to society on no profit/no loss basis.

These courses give practical guidance with illustrations which prove handy for both students and parents/teachers in day to day life.

Let’s conclude this discussion here with a quote on education and sanskar by great personality.

“A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started. He is going to sit where you are sitting and when you are gone, attend to those things which you think are important. You may adopt all the policies you please, but how they are carried out depends upon him. He will assume control of your cities, states and nations. He is going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities and corporations. The fate of humanity is in his hands” – Abraham Lincoln.

“Intelligence plus character – that is the goal of true education” – Martin Luther King Jr.

So far, we have tried to see the efforts for the kids from stage of pre-conception till age 14. Let us now move to the next important stage of child which is age 14 to 21 and see what efforts can be done during this stage to mold the total personality of the child.

Vijay R. Joshi.